*WARNING: This podcast mentions suicide, sexual abuse & trauma and may be triggering.
Episode Summary
In the Season 4 kick-off episode of The Survivors, Lisa and Natasha get candid about the overwhelming emotional weight of current global events, the importance of personal boundaries, and the need for self-preservation amidst collective grief.
They explore how political and social divisions affect personal relationships and the significance of raising empathetic kids. The dialogue emphasizes the necessity of curating information consumption and finding hope in community and activism, while acknowledging the diverse perspectives that shape individual experiences.
Episode Sponsored by The HelpHUB™
Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to The HelpHUB™—your online destination for mental health resources, treatment options, content, and tools to help meet you exactly where you are in the moment. Visit TheHelpHUB.co to get started.
Takeaways
- Collective grief is impacting everyone right now.
- Emotional exhaustion is a common experience.
- Political and social divisions create challenges in relationships.
- Setting personal boundaries is essential for mental health.
- Curating news intake can help manage emotional well-being.
- Raising empathetic children is a priority for many.
- Community involvement can provide a sense of purpose.
- Understanding different perspectives is crucial for dialogue.
- It's okay to disengage from overwhelming information.
- Hope for humanity is essential for moving forward.
Chapters
00:00 Navigating Heavy Conversations 03:01 Collective Grief and Emotional Exhaustion 05:58 The Impact of Political and Social Divisions 08:51 Personal Boundaries and Self-Preservation 11:59 Finding Balance in Information Consumption 14:53 Raising Empathetic Children 18:03 The Role of Community and Activism 20:46 Understanding Different Perspectives 23:52 The Importance of Emotional Safety 26:34 Hope for Humanity's Resilience
Mental Health Resources
- If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for help.
- The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/
- The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7223)
Follow & Connect With Us
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See you next week! In the meantime, keep surviving.
00:00:00 --> 00:00:05 Hey, friends, before we dive into this week's episode, just a heads up,
00:00:05 --> 00:00:09 our podcast talks about suicide, sexual abuse, and other trauma,
00:00:09 --> 00:00:13 and some of what you hear may be triggering. So please listen with care.
00:00:13 --> 00:00:19 This is The Survivors, real stories, raw conversations, and the truth about
00:00:19 --> 00:00:21 what it means to keep going after the hardest things.
00:00:22 --> 00:00:25 We're so glad you're here. Let's keep surviving together.
00:00:27 --> 00:00:30 I don't know. Every once in a while, I just feel like, you know,
00:00:30 --> 00:00:35 we have to laugh at some point throughout all these conversations because,
00:00:35 --> 00:00:37 God, they're heavy. They're just so heavy.
00:00:38 --> 00:00:41 Isn't that the truth? Yeah. Sometimes it's like a deep breath.
00:00:42 --> 00:00:45 Center yourself. Begin. Yep. Yeah.
00:00:45 --> 00:00:48 Yeah. So we're doing that. We're breathing and we're beginning.
00:00:48 --> 00:00:51 So you and I have already been involved in this conversation for like the last
00:00:51 --> 00:00:57 10 minutes, and we're just now hitting record on season four.
00:00:58 --> 00:01:04 Season four and our second season together. And I love that we've covered so
00:01:04 --> 00:01:06 much ground, and I know we have so much more to cover.
00:01:06 --> 00:01:12 And I think that you and I both agreed that having the conversation that we
00:01:12 --> 00:01:18 want to have today at this exact moment in time is such an important conversation
00:01:18 --> 00:01:24 because it's survival in a way that I think is impacting everybody.
00:01:25 --> 00:01:30 And it's surviving kind of the weight of everything that's happening in the
00:01:30 --> 00:01:35 world right now. Like, you know, here we are right now, you know,
00:01:35 --> 00:01:39 we're in February. We're like not even in the middle of February.
00:01:39 --> 00:01:49 And so much is happening around us politically and economically and emotionally
00:01:49 --> 00:01:55 that's impacting all of us in such incredibly intense ways.
00:01:55 --> 00:01:58 There's this real strong sense
00:01:58 --> 00:02:01 of collective grief and collective stress and
00:02:01 --> 00:02:07 pain that I feel like we're all surviving and it just feels like we need to
00:02:07 --> 00:02:11 call it out and talk about it I don't know about you but like I've been laying
00:02:11 --> 00:02:15 on the couch at night granted we're here in New England and we just got pounded
00:02:15 --> 00:02:19 again with another foot of snow on top of two other feet of snow so we're kind of you know.
00:02:20 --> 00:02:21 We're kind of underwater here,
00:02:21 --> 00:02:26 but I feel like I have no emotional energy left at the end of the day.
00:02:27 --> 00:02:31 And like, I just feel like I don't want to turn on my phone.
00:02:31 --> 00:02:34 I don't want to go to the mailbox. I don't want to read the newspaper.
00:02:34 --> 00:02:35 I don't want to turn on the TV.
00:02:36 --> 00:02:39 And I know you're feeling the same way. And if we're feeling this way,
00:02:39 --> 00:02:45 then we know the whole world is feeling this way because everyone I talk to is feeling the same.
00:02:45 --> 00:02:50 Like, do you feel this? I do. I absolutely do and it's interesting because I
00:02:50 --> 00:02:56 have co-workers at my day job the same for the last several weeks they're just
00:02:56 --> 00:03:03 like I am just so tired all the time I have no energy I just feel blah I feel sad,
00:03:04 --> 00:03:07 and it's just this whole collective people that aren't even don't even know
00:03:07 --> 00:03:12 each other at my job or you know people in my personal life that are there's
00:03:12 --> 00:03:14 just this overall collective of,
00:03:15 --> 00:03:19 This is too much right now The weight of the world is too much right now.
00:03:20 --> 00:03:23 And they They're like I don't even know what to do about it,
00:03:24 --> 00:03:32 I don't even know what we can do about it individually outside of protecting ourselves.
00:03:32 --> 00:03:36 And I know one of the things that you and I talked about a few minutes ago before
00:03:36 --> 00:03:42 we started recording was about how you're kind of protecting yourself and keeping
00:03:42 --> 00:03:44 yourself insulated in a way.
00:03:44 --> 00:03:50 And, you know, what I'm doing on my end, because it's really hard to know what to do.
00:03:50 --> 00:03:54 It's like you almost need to be disconnected from all this news and all this
00:03:54 --> 00:04:01 hatred and all this division that's ripping this country apart,
00:04:01 --> 00:04:04 that's ripping the world apart in so many different ways.
00:04:04 --> 00:04:09 And it doesn't matter like what side of the aisle you're on,
00:04:09 --> 00:04:12 like everybody is feeling it on their side.
00:04:13 --> 00:04:17 And I don't know about you either, but you don't know who to talk to.
00:04:17 --> 00:04:25 I know that people who I once really trusted and believed I could talk to who
00:04:25 --> 00:04:31 shared the same ideals and shared the same beliefs don't now.
00:04:31 --> 00:04:36 And that's been really, really hard. I've been really shocked and surprised
00:04:36 --> 00:04:41 by conversations I've had with people that were just like super harmless conversations
00:04:41 --> 00:04:47 just kind of in passing and something little will come up and it's the way someone
00:04:47 --> 00:04:51 says something or the way someone answers a question.
00:04:51 --> 00:04:57 And all of a sudden it's very, very telling that something has shifted and their
00:04:57 --> 00:05:01 beliefs are very, very different than my own.
00:05:01 --> 00:05:06 And it's really hard to know how to move forward from that.
00:05:07 --> 00:05:10 At this point, I just feel really insulated.
00:05:10 --> 00:05:12 Like I really need to insulate myself.
00:05:13 --> 00:05:20 So my question to you is, why is this somebody changing their opinion or their belief system?
00:05:21 --> 00:05:23 Why does that change the way that you view somebody?
00:05:25 --> 00:05:31 Well, I mean, it's not someone changing it. It's more that it's made aware to me.
00:05:31 --> 00:05:38 It's I've been made aware that someone who I believed was.
00:05:38 --> 00:05:43 Felt a certain way about certain things, maybe it was something political,
00:05:44 --> 00:05:50 maybe it was something moral, is in a very different place than I'm in.
00:05:50 --> 00:05:57 And it's very hard to look at someone or feel the same way about someone when maybe, for instance,
00:05:58 --> 00:06:06 you now find out that they are they're against you personally and your community personally.
00:06:06 --> 00:06:14 Maybe it's a community you find out that they're against or that they believe
00:06:14 --> 00:06:21 shouldn't have rights or shouldn't be allowed to live freely.
00:06:21 --> 00:06:25 That's a hard thing. That's something you can't ignore when all of a sudden
00:06:25 --> 00:06:30 you realize that someone's ideals put them in a place where they no longer believe
00:06:30 --> 00:06:35 that people that you think should have rights and be treated with respect.
00:06:35 --> 00:06:39 And privileges shouldn't be treated that way.
00:06:40 --> 00:06:44 That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about when you find out that someone's
00:06:44 --> 00:06:49 morals are in a completely different place from yours and that maybe all of
00:06:49 --> 00:06:54 a sudden now they hate a community that you either care about or that you're part of.
00:06:54 --> 00:06:57 That's a hard thing to, that's what I'm talking about.
00:06:57 --> 00:07:00 Okay. That's what I'm talking about. That makes sense.
00:07:00 --> 00:07:07 You know, or like, let's say, you know, someone who believes that something
00:07:07 --> 00:07:10 that maybe you've seen yourself or you've experienced yourself didn't happen,
00:07:11 --> 00:07:14 but you were there and you saw it and you experienced it.
00:07:14 --> 00:07:17 And now someone's saying, well, that didn't happen.
00:07:17 --> 00:07:20 That's not real. And you're like, well, yeah, it is. I was there.
00:07:20 --> 00:07:23 I saw. I witnessed. I felt. I heard.
00:07:24 --> 00:07:27 You know, and then all of a sudden, oh.
00:07:28 --> 00:07:33 There's this, there's this, you know, gaslighting effect where all of a sudden
00:07:33 --> 00:07:38 someone is telling you that what you've lived through isn't real or isn't valid.
00:07:38 --> 00:07:40 So that's what I'm talking about.
00:07:40 --> 00:07:44 You know, I'm not talking about like, oh, somebody has, you know,
00:07:44 --> 00:07:48 a different political persuasion than I am.
00:07:48 --> 00:07:52 Like, I can, we can all agree to disagree. Like, I absolutely fully in every
00:07:52 --> 00:07:56 possible way agree with everyone's right to believe what they want to believe
00:07:56 --> 00:08:01 and support what they want to support and say what they want to say.
00:08:01 --> 00:08:05 I just don't have, I don't have to agree with it. That's all I'm saying.
00:08:06 --> 00:08:11 Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. one of the things that i've found in that kind
00:08:11 --> 00:08:16 of a situation is that is realizing people see the world through their own lens
00:08:16 --> 00:08:22 through their own reality literally their own reality and so.
00:08:24 --> 00:08:29 Gaslighting is a term that i think is thrown around a lot these days and and
00:08:29 --> 00:08:35 it does make sense and if you look at it in this perspective of so-and-so is
00:08:35 --> 00:08:36 looking at it from their own reality,
00:08:36 --> 00:08:39 and it literally changes what their brain actually saw.
00:08:40 --> 00:08:45 I've experienced that very same thing with my own siblings in our own household growing up.
00:08:45 --> 00:08:48 Where I told them something that I experienced. I know they were there.
00:08:49 --> 00:08:51 I saw them there in that situation.
00:08:51 --> 00:08:55 And they're like, it didn't happen that way. And I was like, what?
00:08:55 --> 00:09:00 You know, but the more, you know, I've learned and researched and all the things,
00:09:00 --> 00:09:03 they're looking at life through their own perspective, and they're not looking
00:09:03 --> 00:09:04 at it from your perspective.
00:09:05 --> 00:09:08 There's a, he's called, I forget his name, Gaber Mate, I think.
00:09:08 --> 00:09:12 He's like a child psychologist. Yes, yes. Am I saying his name correctly?
00:09:12 --> 00:09:15 I'm not sure if it's made or mate. Okay.
00:09:16 --> 00:09:22 I've listened to a couple of his podcast clips and he says no two children grow
00:09:22 --> 00:09:27 up in the same household because each child experiences their parent differently,
00:09:28 --> 00:09:29 their siblings differently.
00:09:29 --> 00:09:33 And so I think if we just take that into a collective of into our everyday life
00:09:33 --> 00:09:38 with co-workers, friends, family members, and realizing they're looking at whatever
00:09:38 --> 00:09:42 it is that we're being bombarded with on the media or what's happening in the world.
00:09:42 --> 00:09:43 They're looking at it from their
00:09:43 --> 00:09:48 own lens, and maybe it seems a little bit distorted from what you see.
00:09:49 --> 00:09:53 Well, yeah, because everybody's experience is different, and those variables,
00:09:53 --> 00:09:58 how something affects my brain is going to be different than how it affects your brain.
00:09:58 --> 00:10:04 And I know personal cases of siblings who grew up in the same house,
00:10:04 --> 00:10:07 and one was emotionally abused, and one was physically abused.
00:10:07 --> 00:10:10 And so that kind of experience is going to be different.
00:10:11 --> 00:10:16 You know, or you have a sibling who grew up and they experienced the loss of
00:10:16 --> 00:10:21 a parent and then another sibling was born after, you know, a certain period
00:10:21 --> 00:10:23 of time and didn't experience it or a divorce or,
00:10:23 --> 00:10:27 you know, you know what I'm saying, or a death in some way. So, yeah.
00:10:27 --> 00:10:35 It's all relative to who you are and what you've experienced in your life and how you see it.
00:10:35 --> 00:10:38 Yeah, optics has a lot to do with it.
00:10:38 --> 00:10:44 But in the case of what I'm thinking about now, for the purposes of this conversation,
00:10:44 --> 00:10:51 it's like how the stress and tension and toxicity of the world around us is
00:10:51 --> 00:10:57 affecting us and our ability to interact with each other,
00:10:57 --> 00:11:01 to interact with the world around us, to be okay on our own.
00:11:01 --> 00:11:10 Like, I just personally feel lately like I can't get away from everything that's happening around me,
00:11:10 --> 00:11:14 circulating around me, whether it's in my immediate orbit, like,
00:11:14 --> 00:11:19 you know, my town, my community, my state, or it's, you know, my region,
00:11:19 --> 00:11:23 which is I'm in the Northeast, or if it's, you know, the bigger,
00:11:23 --> 00:11:27 broader, the country around me and what's happening around me.
00:11:27 --> 00:11:32 And I just think it's just hard, you know. I mean—.
00:11:32 --> 00:11:39 That kind of overwhelming feeling of heaviness, I think, is something most people
00:11:39 --> 00:11:40 that I talk to nowadays are feeling.
00:11:41 --> 00:11:48 Yes, I definitely, I know there's a collective heaviness of feeling lost and alone.
00:11:49 --> 00:11:53 That's another thing, too, is like, they're like, I just, I feel so isolated.
00:11:53 --> 00:11:57 I feel alone, even though they have a spouse or they have children and things like that.
00:11:57 --> 00:12:02 And part of me almost feels like that's by design. You and I had talked before
00:12:02 --> 00:12:08 we started recording in that there are all these crazy issues going on politically
00:12:08 --> 00:12:11 and in our own country across the world.
00:12:11 --> 00:12:16 And then they drop this, you know, this thing about the Epstein files.
00:12:17 --> 00:12:21 They drop the Epstein files. And I feel like it's just a distraction of what
00:12:21 --> 00:12:27 the real world issues are and the real heaviness of what is being done to humans.
00:12:27 --> 00:12:28 Now, that's not to say that.
00:12:30 --> 00:12:34 Releasing those files were important because the women and the people that were
00:12:34 --> 00:12:38 affected by that absolutely deserve justice, 100%.
00:12:38 --> 00:12:44 And it's, so that's kind of how I have had to look at it because in 2020,
00:12:44 --> 00:12:49 or prior to 2020, I did not, I was not involved politically at all.
00:12:49 --> 00:12:56 I had no idea what was going on. I didn't vote. So I voted one time, I think in 2008, I think.
00:12:57 --> 00:13:01 And other than that, I had no idea what was going on in the world.
00:13:01 --> 00:13:04 And I had with, you know, the pandemic happening and all that,
00:13:04 --> 00:13:08 I had what is often referred to as a red pill moment, where the current,
00:13:09 --> 00:13:12 you know, my cousin was, you know, here, take a look at this, take a look at this.
00:13:12 --> 00:13:16 And so I started going down some pretty deep, dark rabbit holes about our political
00:13:16 --> 00:13:21 system, about our leaders, what was going on in the world, all over the world,
00:13:21 --> 00:13:25 because this was information that pertained to political leaders of all countries.
00:13:25 --> 00:13:29 And it brought me, and I, months, I'm not even joking you, I was months and
00:13:29 --> 00:13:33 months and months of just literally being inundated with all of this information
00:13:33 --> 00:13:39 that was extremely toxic. and it started to have a negative impact on me.
00:13:39 --> 00:13:42 And I was almost every day coming to my husband, well, guess what I just learned?
00:13:42 --> 00:13:43 Guess what I just learned?
00:13:45 --> 00:13:50 And at a point where I could see that it was affecting my mental health in a
00:13:50 --> 00:13:54 pretty serious way, I finally just had to be like, no more.
00:13:54 --> 00:13:59 I had to take a complete step back and say, no,
00:13:59 --> 00:14:04 I cannot consume any more of this information because it is affecting me negatively
00:14:04 --> 00:14:09 it was affecting my ability to be a good mother to be a good human and so I
00:14:09 --> 00:14:12 was just like I'm gonna focus on I brought my world in real small,
00:14:13 --> 00:14:20 and focused on what what can I control and what can I do in this moment to relieve
00:14:20 --> 00:14:25 some of this like heaviness and for me and what I have come back to over and
00:14:25 --> 00:14:30 over again in the last five six years is my children. How am I going to change the world?
00:14:31 --> 00:14:38 And for me, it is focusing on my children, raising them to be good humans,
00:14:39 --> 00:14:46 empathetic humans, who care about people, about the world,
00:14:47 --> 00:14:49 and different things like that.
00:14:49 --> 00:14:53 But being very mindful of what it is that they're exposed to.
00:14:53 --> 00:14:58 I actually had a co-worker ask me just the other day, is your daughter reading the Epstein files?
00:14:59 --> 00:15:03 I'm like, she's 14. Of course she's not reading the Epstein files.
00:15:03 --> 00:15:04 I'm like, are your children?
00:15:05 --> 00:15:11 Well, yeah. Like, why? Why on earth are you letting your children,
00:15:12 --> 00:15:16 your underage children, read about these horrific things?
00:15:16 --> 00:15:23 And as a childhood sexual abuse survivor, I cannot, my nervous system cannot
00:15:23 --> 00:15:26 tolerate reading that information. I'm sure.
00:15:27 --> 00:15:33 It is so incredibly what little bit I have heard recently, and I just have to tell people, stop.
00:15:34 --> 00:15:38 I'm sorry, I can't hear about it. It is so triggering for me.
00:15:39 --> 00:15:44 And I feel genuinely so deeply for those women.
00:15:44 --> 00:15:47 And I know it's men and women, because they were children.
00:15:49 --> 00:15:55 And I hope that they get justice. That is what I can do is focus on my little
00:15:55 --> 00:16:01 world, my children, doing the best that I can to raise good humans and to be
00:16:01 --> 00:16:03 a part of my community in a positive way.
00:16:03 --> 00:16:06 My small community here and where I live in southeastern Virginia.
00:16:07 --> 00:16:10 Well, that's, I think, that's where it starts for any of us, for sure.
00:16:10 --> 00:16:14 And, you know, I mean, you mentioned the Epstein file specifically and I think
00:16:14 --> 00:16:17 that's just one teeny, teeny, tiny, I,
00:16:18 --> 00:16:22 I don't want to say insignificant issue, because it's not an insignificant issue.
00:16:23 --> 00:16:25 Obviously, it has a lot of ramifications. It has a lot of implications.
00:16:26 --> 00:16:34 It implicates a lot of people in our government, of course, victims.
00:16:35 --> 00:16:38 And that's not an issue to be minimized.
00:16:39 --> 00:16:41 And that's not what I'm trying to do. But what I'm saying is that there are
00:16:41 --> 00:16:46 so many other issues in the world right now, political issues,
00:16:46 --> 00:16:53 humanitarian issues, economic issues, you know, people who are being separated from families.
00:16:53 --> 00:17:03 I mean, it's so, it's permeated everything that we hear and consume day to day.
00:17:03 --> 00:17:12 And that one issue, you talk about these files, it's not where people are.
00:17:12 --> 00:17:17 Necessarily want to be spending even more of their energy now consuming three
00:17:17 --> 00:17:22 million pages of these files that should not be the top of the news,
00:17:22 --> 00:17:28 that should not be consumed by 12-year-old kids, that should not be what everyone's
00:17:28 --> 00:17:30 talking about around their dinner table.
00:17:30 --> 00:17:36 And yet it is, unfortunately, along with all of the other issues that are dividing
00:17:36 --> 00:17:42 us as a country right now and us as a world right now.
00:17:42 --> 00:17:49 And, and I'm just, I'm glad for you and your sake that you did the thing that
00:17:49 --> 00:17:57 I think we all have to do in some way when we get inundated by this much toxicity, which is step back.
00:17:57 --> 00:18:00 Like you got to step back. You got to protect yourself. You got to shut it down.
00:18:00 --> 00:18:06 And, and I don't necessarily know that I agree that not knowing anything about
00:18:06 --> 00:18:11 what's going on is the right way. It's not for me.
00:18:11 --> 00:18:14 It's not for me. I understand why it needs to be that way for some people who
00:18:14 --> 00:18:17 just have to shut it down completely.
00:18:17 --> 00:18:21 For me, I do want to know what's happening around me.
00:18:21 --> 00:18:25 I do want to be able to engage in conversations about it to a point.
00:18:27 --> 00:18:32 But I mean, I just feel like everybody's in like this state of dysregulation.
00:18:32 --> 00:18:37 And, you know, I don't think either one of us right now is coming on this podcast
00:18:37 --> 00:18:39 saying, okay, well, we've got the answer.
00:18:39 --> 00:18:43 Here's what to do. There is no answer. It depends on who you are,
00:18:43 --> 00:18:49 what you need to consume, what you need to stay away from and avoid.
00:18:51 --> 00:18:56 And how we prioritize kind of making it through the day when everything feels
00:18:56 --> 00:19:00 so heavy because I don't know necessarily since the pandemic that I have felt
00:19:00 --> 00:19:02 this heavy in my own life.
00:19:03 --> 00:19:08 Heart and mind just because of the state of the world right now.
00:19:08 --> 00:19:13 And I wish I had an answer, like do this, do that, and here's what's going to help.
00:19:13 --> 00:19:16 But I don't. I think the only thing that we can do is just talk about it,
00:19:17 --> 00:19:23 talk about what each of us is doing during this highly, highly stressful time.
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00:20:13 --> 00:20:18 So what are you choosing to do right now? Since you're recognizing the heaviness,
00:20:18 --> 00:20:23 you're recognizing the global discourse that's going on, what are you choosing
00:20:23 --> 00:20:25 to do for yourself in a way that works for you?
00:20:25 --> 00:20:30 One of the things I think, and, you know, you do it, I know,
00:20:30 --> 00:20:36 I do it myself, is curate the news that I watch. I curate that intake.
00:20:36 --> 00:20:44 I don't watch very much actual news like on a primetime news program anymore.
00:20:44 --> 00:20:48 I get my news sources very one-dimensionally right now.
00:20:48 --> 00:20:55 I get them by reading articles, reading the most impartial news sources that
00:20:55 --> 00:21:02 I can that just really kind of deliver the news without any leaning to one side
00:21:02 --> 00:21:04 or the other. I try to get that.
00:21:05 --> 00:21:10 As, you know, unbiased as I possibly can just to understand what's happening around me.
00:21:10 --> 00:21:14 And then I have like a very small window during the day.
00:21:14 --> 00:21:18 It's kind of in the morning to find out what's happened overnight around the world.
00:21:18 --> 00:21:23 And then a little bit in the evening, not close to when I go to bed anymore.
00:21:23 --> 00:21:30 I can't do that anymore and be scrolling, doom scrolling on news apps.
00:21:30 --> 00:21:33 And even any app. I mean, you go on TikTok.
00:21:33 --> 00:21:37 I mean, half the, you know, my daughter's generation, they get all their news
00:21:37 --> 00:21:40 from, most of them get all their news from TikTok, which is upsetting enough
00:21:40 --> 00:21:44 as it is because the authenticity of that is definitely questionable.
00:21:45 --> 00:21:53 But like, I'm staying off all that stuff, I think, more and more regularly to
00:21:53 --> 00:21:57 make sure that I just protect my own heart, you know.
00:21:58 --> 00:22:03 And just kind of creating those off hours where I'm just, I don't want to learn
00:22:03 --> 00:22:06 more than I need to know just to understand what's happening around me.
00:22:06 --> 00:22:11 Yeah, I get that. Yeah, I get that. Well, you know, we had mentioned where we're
00:22:11 --> 00:22:15 talking before we started recording, and you had brought to my attention some
00:22:15 --> 00:22:18 very real issues that are going on around the world.
00:22:19 --> 00:22:22 And again, this is where I have, I
00:22:22 --> 00:22:25 had absolutely no idea all these issues were going on
00:22:25 --> 00:22:28 because i don't consume any news media
00:22:28 --> 00:22:33 whatsoever absolutely zero the only reason i heard about quote-unquote the epstein
00:22:33 --> 00:22:39 files is because that's what my co-workers have been talking about um yeah and
00:22:39 --> 00:22:46 other than that i have absolutely no idea and is is that and maybe what's the word i'm.
00:22:50 --> 00:22:55 Socially acceptable? Is that okay to be that uninformed?
00:22:55 --> 00:22:59 I think it's personal choice. I think it's self-preservation in a lot of ways.
00:22:59 --> 00:23:02 I don't think you have to justify that decision to anybody.
00:23:03 --> 00:23:06 No, and it's not a matter of justifying it by any means.
00:23:06 --> 00:23:10 I just want to have this conversation so that there's anybody else out there
00:23:10 --> 00:23:15 like me that's like, I simply cannot consume that to know that it is okay and
00:23:15 --> 00:23:18 you're not alone in not being able to handle that kind of information.
00:23:18 --> 00:23:23 Being a compound trauma survivor, compound PTSD or complex PTSD,
00:23:23 --> 00:23:25 all the things literally that stack up.
00:23:26 --> 00:23:32 I know my nervous system enough right now to know that it is highly, highly dysregulated.
00:23:32 --> 00:23:39 I've even taken a step away from social media in general because I was just
00:23:39 --> 00:23:41 getting inundated with just too much information.
00:23:41 --> 00:23:48 I was listening to a podcast the other day, And he said that humans are only
00:23:48 --> 00:23:55 biologically wired to have about 150 connections, personal connections.
00:23:55 --> 00:23:57 That's based on, you know.
00:23:58 --> 00:24:01 Hundreds of thousands of years ago when we were just tribes.
00:24:02 --> 00:24:07 Tribes of people that were about 120 to 150 people. That was our social connection. That was it.
00:24:08 --> 00:24:15 And if they said that physiologically, you know, measuring brain size and density,
00:24:15 --> 00:24:20 our brains have not changed hardly at all in that time in 100 years.
00:24:20 --> 00:24:25 And so the fact that we are, yes, we have access to social media and we're We're
00:24:25 --> 00:24:32 going from having our small little connections of 120 to 150 to millions or billions.
00:24:33 --> 00:24:39 Our brains are not psychologically wired to handle that much information.
00:24:39 --> 00:24:45 And so when I heard that, I was like, okay, so I'm not an asshole.
00:24:46 --> 00:24:53 You're not for being like, I can't handle this information and kind of putting a stop to it.
00:24:53 --> 00:24:59 And so it's really important for everybody to take a look for you as a person
00:24:59 --> 00:25:04 and as an individual and say, what can I handle in this moment?
00:25:04 --> 00:25:07 And I'm not saying I want to be completely disengaged forever,
00:25:07 --> 00:25:13 but my family and I just moved for the ninth time in 10 and a half years,
00:25:14 --> 00:25:16 which is a major life event. Yeah.
00:25:16 --> 00:25:22 Nine times. And I just know for me right now, I cannot handle any more information.
00:25:23 --> 00:25:26 I feel like there's not much I can do about it.
00:25:27 --> 00:25:31 It's not going to do anything for me in a positive way So I'm just putting a
00:25:31 --> 00:25:36 stop to it altogether Now months down the road when I'm feeling a little bit
00:25:36 --> 00:25:40 better Will I probably start to consume a little bit more?
00:25:40 --> 00:25:43 So I'm more aware? Yes, I will.
00:25:43 --> 00:25:47 But you don't have to feel bad if you're just like, I can't handle this.
00:25:47 --> 00:25:50 And you can absolutely say to co-workers, family, friends, hey,
00:25:50 --> 00:25:52 I don't want to talk about this.
00:25:52 --> 00:25:55 It's, I just don't. And that's okay to say.
00:25:56 --> 00:25:59 I've said it. I've had those conversations. And that goes back to boundaries.
00:26:00 --> 00:26:05 And that's something that I think relates so heavily to what we're talking about
00:26:05 --> 00:26:11 right now is each one of us having to have complete control over the boundaries
00:26:11 --> 00:26:13 that we set over our lives in general.
00:26:13 --> 00:26:19 Especially when the world around us is kind of tilted spinning in crazy directions
00:26:19 --> 00:26:25 on its own axis and everybody's trying to have, you know, just the ability to hang on.
00:26:25 --> 00:26:33 Like, I definitely know that I have had to make the intentional choice of doing
00:26:33 --> 00:26:37 what you've done to a point, you know,
00:26:37 --> 00:26:40 of kind of siphoning out the news that I get for sure.
00:26:40 --> 00:26:46 And I've also done a really active job of trying to connect with people who
00:26:46 --> 00:26:49 make me feel emotionally safe during this time.
00:26:49 --> 00:26:54 And this goes back to the beginning of our conversation, where you were asking
00:26:54 --> 00:27:02 me about my feelings about when someone's values don't align with mine.
00:27:02 --> 00:27:06 I have no problem engaging with people whose values are different than mine.
00:27:06 --> 00:27:12 I mean, we live in a world where everyone has a slightly different take on most things in the world.
00:27:12 --> 00:27:19 What I can't do anymore is be around people who are actively.
00:27:20 --> 00:27:25 Hating and oppressing people that I care about, communities that I care about,
00:27:25 --> 00:27:31 rights and privileges that are important to me, that's the stuff that I back away from.
00:27:31 --> 00:27:36 So I instead make sure that I surround myself with people who are in alignment
00:27:36 --> 00:27:41 with how I feel about those things and how,
00:27:41 --> 00:27:44 you know what I'm saying, how they're acting in their lives,
00:27:45 --> 00:27:53 what they're supporting in their lives that support the people and the issues
00:27:53 --> 00:27:56 and the things and the morals that I also support.
00:27:57 --> 00:28:00 You know I'm not going to align myself like you're not going
00:28:00 --> 00:28:03 to align yourself I don't think probably with someone
00:28:03 --> 00:28:06 who is being like
00:28:06 --> 00:28:11 I know for instance you and I are both allies of the queer community would
00:28:11 --> 00:28:14 never would never be supportive of
00:28:14 --> 00:28:17 someone who is disrespectful or
00:28:17 --> 00:28:25 hateful to that community or you know I have family who are immigrants I live
00:28:25 --> 00:28:30 in a world right now where so much around me is so much hate is being directed
00:28:30 --> 00:28:34 toward immigrants and these are people I love these are people who are part
00:28:34 --> 00:28:36 of my family so that's that's what I mean like I'm,
00:28:37 --> 00:28:47 I'm making sure that I keep myself in a place where I'm focused on the people
00:28:47 --> 00:28:55 who are making me feel emotionally safe yes around those things that are important to me that makes sense
00:28:55 --> 00:28:58 Yeah, that makes perfect sense. And I applaud you in that.
00:28:59 --> 00:29:01 Absolutely. That makes perfect sense.
00:29:03 --> 00:29:07 So, one of the things that I have experienced lately, and I don't know why,
00:29:07 --> 00:29:12 is as I've been posting on social media, somehow I've noticed,
00:29:12 --> 00:29:13 particularly on TikTok,
00:29:14 --> 00:29:18 is I have a lot of followers that are deeply, deeply Christian.
00:29:19 --> 00:29:20 Hmm. And...
00:29:21 --> 00:29:25 To the tune of, I kind of almost feel like they're a little bit of what I call,
00:29:25 --> 00:29:27 you know, is referred to as a Bible thumping.
00:29:28 --> 00:29:32 Okay. And. Are they connecting with you? Like, are they reaching out to,
00:29:32 --> 00:29:34 oh, really? Yeah, they're commenting.
00:29:34 --> 00:29:38 They're commenting on videos, like, one after another after another. Okay.
00:29:38 --> 00:29:42 And because I've experienced religious trauma growing up in a cult and having
00:29:42 --> 00:29:45 religion weaponized against me.
00:29:45 --> 00:29:48 And so when they're constantly referencing god
00:29:48 --> 00:29:51 giving me this or god making me strong or god gave
00:29:51 --> 00:29:56 me this and i'm like as an agnostic person and
00:29:56 --> 00:29:59 you're telling literally it just is like comment after
00:29:59 --> 00:30:04 comment after comment and i even she had private messaged me and i and i told
00:30:04 --> 00:30:08 her i said as somebody who does not share those beliefs i have a different perspective
00:30:08 --> 00:30:14 and and that's your right right and she re-upped on that and i'm like oh she
00:30:14 --> 00:30:17 was she doubled down Yeah, she doubled down on it.
00:30:17 --> 00:30:20 So is this one person or is this many people?
00:30:20 --> 00:30:26 No, this is one particular new follower that I have, but I have seen it repeatedly,
00:30:26 --> 00:30:32 you know, but this one particular person has really just going in after it.
00:30:32 --> 00:30:36 And I have, you know, I've done what's called TikTok Lives, and I have people
00:30:36 --> 00:30:41 pop in asking me if I support, you know, the queer community, if I support,
00:30:41 --> 00:30:46 you know, and they just pop in and ask these questions, and they've asked,
00:30:46 --> 00:30:48 you know, what are my religious standpoints and things like that.
00:30:48 --> 00:30:53 And I have lost followers because I have a—now, I don't talk politics.
00:30:53 --> 00:30:56 I don't—I keep my lives very neutral.
00:30:57 --> 00:31:02 And because I simply have a stance on something or what I believe,
00:31:02 --> 00:31:04 they literally unfollow me. And I'm like— Okay.
00:31:04 --> 00:31:07 That's—you know what? That's their choice. Right. Absolutely.
00:31:08 --> 00:31:10 That's their choice. Absolutely. Everybody has a right to their opinion and
00:31:10 --> 00:31:14 who they pay attention to and who they feel aligned with like that. Yeah.
00:31:14 --> 00:31:20 That's what this country was built on, was our ability to come at it from so
00:31:20 --> 00:31:27 many different perspectives and still be a cohesive union of people. Right. Absolutely.
00:31:28 --> 00:31:34 And allowing us to have a different opinion and still be able to coexist.
00:31:35 --> 00:31:40 I just, I don't, I have the hardest time understanding why people are so dead
00:31:40 --> 00:31:49 set in their ways that they cannot even coexist with other people that are even mildly different.
00:31:49 --> 00:31:53 Well, I don't know. I mean, I wonder if that's the case.
00:31:53 --> 00:31:58 Is it that people are not able to coexist with people who are mildly different?
00:31:58 --> 00:32:04 Or is it that people's viewpoints are so radically different?
00:32:04 --> 00:32:10 Like when you radicalize someone and their beliefs and they turn from here, this is my opinion.
00:32:10 --> 00:32:13 This is how I feel on this subject or situation.
00:32:13 --> 00:32:17 It's different than what you feel. Here is why you can have a discourse.
00:32:17 --> 00:32:19 You can have a conversation.
00:32:19 --> 00:32:22 You can kind of go point for point and understand each other.
00:32:22 --> 00:32:26 But I think what's happened in this world is that it's transcendent.
00:32:26 --> 00:32:29 And I speak just only of this country because we're in this country.
00:32:29 --> 00:32:38 My opinion, based on my own perception, is that what's happened is that it's gone from that to hate.
00:32:38 --> 00:32:51 It's gone from, it's persecuting communities or populations or ideals and it's leveled up,
00:32:51 --> 00:32:55 to a place where it's no longer we can agree to disagree.
00:32:56 --> 00:33:03 It's taking it to a position of hatefulness and violence and anger.
00:33:03 --> 00:33:07 And that's what I have to move away from.
00:33:08 --> 00:33:15 That's what alienates me from someone, is when someone becomes so extreme that
00:33:15 --> 00:33:19 their beliefs mean that no other belief should exist.
00:33:20 --> 00:33:23 I'm in the place where it's like, you believe what you believe?
00:33:23 --> 00:33:25 Great. I believe what I believe? Great.
00:33:25 --> 00:33:30 Like, we can find a way to make all that work because there's probably some good in everything.
00:33:31 --> 00:33:40 It's when the intolerance of anything other than what one person believes takes
00:33:40 --> 00:33:43 over everything, that's the thing I have a problem with.
00:33:43 --> 00:33:46 That's the thing I can't be aligned with anymore. or people
00:33:46 --> 00:33:49 continually violating your boundaries when you know you've made
00:33:49 --> 00:33:52 it perfectly clear yep i i that's
00:33:52 --> 00:33:57 not what i believe that's not my stance you know i i remember again on a tiktok
00:33:57 --> 00:34:01 live where somebody had asked me my my political not my political my religious
00:34:01 --> 00:34:09 belief and i told them i'm agnostic and and you know after i explained my point
00:34:09 --> 00:34:11 of view this person i can't remember,
00:34:12 --> 00:34:15 male or female, they said, I would encourage you to change your mind.
00:34:16 --> 00:34:20 Yeah. Well, thanks for the encouragement. But this is my mind,
00:34:21 --> 00:34:23 and this is where it's at, and this is what I believe.
00:34:23 --> 00:34:28 And yeah, see, that's when, you know, preaching is one thing.
00:34:29 --> 00:34:32 You know, you have a belief. You want to share that belief.
00:34:32 --> 00:34:39 You want to encourage people to be able to understand where you come from and
00:34:39 --> 00:34:40 why. Like, I'm all for that.
00:34:41 --> 00:34:47 I'm all for that all day, every day. But it's when it moves into a place of,
00:34:47 --> 00:34:52 well, you don't have the right to believe what you believe. Or you're wrong for believing that.
00:34:53 --> 00:34:55 That's where it really gets my goat.
00:34:56 --> 00:35:03 And when there's a subtlety, it's also this weird, I'm having a hard time with
00:35:03 --> 00:35:05 my words, I'm getting my marts wixed up real bad today.
00:35:06 --> 00:35:11 Where it seems almost like disregard, you know what I mean?
00:35:11 --> 00:35:16 Where they're just like, I don't care, this is the right way, this is the only way.
00:35:16 --> 00:35:19 You know, you've been talking about this the last several minutes,
00:35:19 --> 00:35:26 but yeah, if we could just all take a step back and just say, wow, this is a lot.
00:35:27 --> 00:35:34 What can we do to make a difference in our community? That's how it starts. It's if we start small.
00:35:34 --> 00:35:37 Right now, for me, it's me and my husband and my kids. Yeah.
00:35:37 --> 00:35:43 When my nervous system can recover, then maybe, you know, I can take a look
00:35:43 --> 00:35:46 at doing some community events or volunteering, things like that.
00:35:47 --> 00:35:51 And you just do that little gradual things where it's like you feel like you're
00:35:51 --> 00:35:53 making a difference and you are making a difference.
00:35:54 --> 00:36:01 I, again, not being very political, but I did go to one political event.
00:36:01 --> 00:36:03 Oh, gosh, it's been four or five years ago.
00:36:04 --> 00:36:08 And talk about, like, a sense of community and empowerment.
00:36:08 --> 00:36:13 You know, we were protesting a particular topic, and it was absolutely amazing.
00:36:13 --> 00:36:15 It was my very first political event.
00:36:15 --> 00:36:17 And it was awesome. Awesome.
00:36:18 --> 00:36:21 And so I get why people get out there and they do that. And they're,
00:36:21 --> 00:36:25 you know, they're activists and things like that. It's incredibly empowering.
00:36:25 --> 00:36:29 So, you know, when you get to a point where you feel like you can get out there
00:36:29 --> 00:36:31 and support something like that, do it.
00:36:31 --> 00:36:34 Yeah, absolutely. Because you're surrounded by like-minded people and it helps
00:36:34 --> 00:36:39 you feel less alone and it gives you this really strong sense of community and
00:36:39 --> 00:36:42 that you're making a difference. It absolutely does. It absolutely does.
00:36:42 --> 00:36:48 And I think that right now, where we all are, as we kind of,
00:36:48 --> 00:36:54 you know, kind of wrap up this conversation, I think that it's okay to acknowledge,
00:36:55 --> 00:36:59 like, there is a lot of shit happening in this world right now that is very, very heavy to carry.
00:36:59 --> 00:37:03 That is the whole point of this whole 36-minute conversation.
00:37:03 --> 00:37:10 And that boundaries, like we've both said multiple times, boundaries are acts of self-preservation.
00:37:10 --> 00:37:14 They're essential. We have to do it. And mine might look different than yours.
00:37:14 --> 00:37:20 But each one of us gets to decide what those boundaries look like.
00:37:20 --> 00:37:25 And you're allowed, like what you're doing right now is a perfect example of this.
00:37:25 --> 00:37:31 We're all allowed to take that step back and disengage without feeling like we don't care.
00:37:31 --> 00:37:36 You do care. You just right now are caring about your own mental health and
00:37:36 --> 00:37:39 wellness because it's like if you can't take care of yourself and you're not
00:37:39 --> 00:37:42 okay in your own head and your own heart, how are you going to be for your husband?
00:37:42 --> 00:37:43 How are you going to be for your kids?
00:37:43 --> 00:37:46 How are you going to be for your community at large? So it starts internally
00:37:46 --> 00:37:48 and then it kind of ripples outward.
00:37:49 --> 00:37:54 So I think that's the message, that the message is the way that we keep surviving
00:37:54 --> 00:37:58 is by paying attention to what we all need.
00:37:59 --> 00:38:04 And also at the same time, I think being willing to get back to a place where
00:38:04 --> 00:38:11 we can all sit around the same table and have conversations without being told that.
00:38:12 --> 00:38:16 We have no right to think and believe what we believe.
00:38:17 --> 00:38:23 Like, we have to find a way back to that place where we can all be around the same table.
00:38:23 --> 00:38:26 And I really am hopeful. I'm really hopeful.
00:38:27 --> 00:38:31 Me too. Because I think that's how we survive it all. Well, and I know there,
00:38:31 --> 00:38:36 because I have felt this way before in a global sense.
00:38:37 --> 00:38:40 And I have felt it before. And again, I did take a step back.
00:38:40 --> 00:38:44 I did make my world small. And I was able to come back from it and to feel a
00:38:44 --> 00:38:46 sense of okay, we can do this,
00:38:47 --> 00:38:51 And we just we live in a world so much now where it's it's a roller coaster,
00:38:52 --> 00:38:56 As we're inundated with so much information it is a roller coaster and you and
00:38:56 --> 00:39:00 life is a roller coaster You just have to be able to hold on,
00:39:01 --> 00:39:05 Survives the ups and the downs and and do the best that you can,
00:39:06 --> 00:39:10 To hold on to that hope that humanity Will power through.
00:39:11 --> 00:39:14 That's that's what i hope that's that's
00:39:14 --> 00:39:18 i think we all hope so with that in mind
00:39:18 --> 00:39:20 let's just keep talking the
00:39:20 --> 00:39:27 talk and that's what this community that you and i are trying to create is putting
00:39:27 --> 00:39:32 together a place where people can put all of this energy and all of this frustration
00:39:32 --> 00:39:38 and sadness and fear and work through it together so that we we do move from this place,
00:39:39 --> 00:39:43 into a better, more positive place for all of us.
00:39:43 --> 00:39:46 That's the bottom line. Yeah, absolutely. I agree.
00:39:47 --> 00:39:50 Thanks so much for listening and for being part of the Survivors community.
00:39:51 --> 00:39:55 No matter where you are in your story, you're not alone and you're definitely not broken.
00:39:56 --> 00:40:00 Healing takes time and it looks different for everyone. The fact that you're
00:40:00 --> 00:40:04 still here and still trying means you're already doing the hard work.
00:40:05 --> 00:40:08 If something in today's conversation resonated with you, please share it with
00:40:08 --> 00:40:10 someone who might need to hear it too.
00:40:10 --> 00:40:15 That's how we keep these conversations going and remind each other that there's always hope.
00:40:16 --> 00:40:18 And if you or someone you know is struggling, please remember,
00:40:19 --> 00:40:20 help is always out there.
00:40:20 --> 00:40:25 You can call or text 988 anytime to reach a trained crisis counselor like me.
00:40:25 --> 00:40:28 And for more mental health resources, tools, treatment options,
00:40:28 --> 00:40:32 and content to support your mental health, visit thehelphub.co.
00:40:33 --> 00:40:36 We're so grateful you're part of the Survivors family, and we'll be back next
00:40:36 --> 00:40:40 week with another honest conversation about life after the hardest things.
00:40:40 --> 00:40:44 Until then, take care of yourself and your people, and keep surviving.